^^

chillax, just read

“don’t blame me if i know what i want and what i don’t”

I’ve got a tagging award thingy from joycee yikee… thanks dude!

And now I’m doing the same hehe. I wanna give this award to jon, jonas and bebe. Cheers!

Pasko sa Sintang Paaralan

Hmm… So I took this picture ages ago. (jk) ^^ This is in front of the main building, actually it’s  at the second floor. They’ve been doing this thing na I guess bago pa ko pumasok sa peyupi. Well, here’s the pic, I just wanna share it lang.

It’s not clear nga lang, this was taken from my phone lang so ganyan… ^^ Simple pero sentro ng atraksyon.

Merry Christmas to all!

Heartbreak Post

Hi… since christmas I started reading some other blogs that could relate to what I feel. Luckily I found Lone Pen’s blog, it’s all about the story of his not so successful marriage. I must admit He got me. His verses are simple yet full of emotions and feelings. Here are two of my favorite posts from his blog:

demotivated

I normally have no problem
Doing work.
But these past weeks
It’s been beyond my power
To concentrate for a
Few hours
On a relatively
Simple job.
Whenever I try
I find
There’s more important things
On my mind.
So I end up making coffee,
Sitting down
And doing nothing instead.
I really need to
Sort out my head.

It’s just like I can’t focus on what I have in front of me, of what the reality brings me now. I hate it. But I can’t concentrate on what I am supposed to do.

underbelly

Pain attracts pain
I find again and again
When people know
I’m broken up
They open up themselves
To share their own
Hidden bruises, cuts and wounds.
And my glimpse of
The dark underbelly of love
Is scaring me away from
Sharing my heart again.

It’s just funny that when people know you are in pain, they actually figure it out easily and tend to share the same problems and tears they have shed before for the bastards. Well that’s I guess a good thing to eat your heart out. It’s very torturing though.

So why I am writing like this kinda topics? Idk… perhaps it applies. But hearing too much of the term “Adjustment Period”, makes me forget all the neglections and incompatibility I see in him. I don’t wanna ask myself if this is true love or false. I’m afraid I might not like the answer, and just cheat on myself. I’m not ready yet. Gnyt

Christmas 09

A typical day for me… I used to spend Christmas day with my family at home. Nothing much to do, just sit in front of my PC, watch TV or else… sleep. But what’s the difference this year? Simple. 5 months ago, I met my someone special. This is the first year that we’ll be spending time together. I thought this year’s gonna be the best. I thought this Christmas’ gonna be the best I ever had.

I never knew what love is until I got my own lil share. I hope I learn from my experiences. Heartaches, pain, my own euphoria… Little by little, I know I’ll be able to get used to these things. But what if I also got used to that person? Well, I think that’s the worst thing I’d never wanna be into.

Well, too much of the confessions I’ve made here… I don’t wanna broadcast my entire life online though. I just wanna express what angst I’ve got mannn.

Let’s just cut this crap short. (I’m sober btw) So, I messed up. I went to MOA (Mall of Asia), meet him, “TALKSHIT”, enjoyed, bought ingredients for spaghetti, cooked, cuddled with my boo, and then all of a sudden it turned out to be an argument. An argument that lead to my stupidity- cool off.

Feelin like a crap now. Geez. My euphoria just ended all of a sudden. I wanna drink. I wanna be drunk. I wanna forget everything ever for a night. Ya know, just gimme time to rest my head. It really pains me.

Business Practicum Dilemma of a College Student

Hi… so first of all, this one is like my way of sorting things out of my mind cause obviously it still bothers me although i think i’ve settled everything.

Well… the senior year comes, which means the final school year to complete my 12-unit deficiency on my outdated marketing course curriculum. One of the subjects that I have to complete is the Business Practicum. I am really really in trouble, coz I know it’ll consume 8 hours of my time plus the class scheds, so what’s left for my own work? like i have no time to  write anymore… writing is my bread and butter, btw. So, in short… I wanna skip this subject however, I can’t.

So my friends and I tried to apply at SSS. It is a big and stable company though… Social Security System, a government company. However, it has always been my last choice because I really don’t like working in a company where I know people would look at me as if I’ve got a Godfather’s blessing knowing that I have the surname of my second degree uncle, who happens to be at the executive office. But yeah, we still got in. I was assigned to the corporate communications department, just right for my marketing course. But I realized I don’t belong to the office. Like I mean, SSS is a big company! and as a writer, as someone who is (I think) equipped with what I learned from school and my own experiences… I want to contribute and be part of the team. I rendered like 3days at the office, doing nothing. Nothing for me is like doing light things on the side, checking this, calling the guests for the event, assuring the quality of the giveaways for their promotional activity. Noooo… sorry but I really wanna be on my comfort zone, like I wanna write, I wanna plan, I wanna do it myself, I wanna learn, I wanna work, I wanna use my brain, I wanna market!!!

Enough. Well. I have nothing against my sss training station. Matter of fact, they have the great and best people. I saw how dedicated they are on their job, they are very accommodating and fun to be with. I might as well mention that CCD has the most creative and exciting people through the entire building. But I really don’t belong. I wanna be out. I wanna be on my own. So I decided to look for a company where I know I could smile. Like, I’m gonna be free. Nobody would tell me what to do, they will just guide me, nobody would look at you as if you are just a trainee. I want parity.

I’m not dissenting other trainees, but some are just up to the completion of the practicum program. I don’t get complacent going with the flow; I get complacent doing something on my own. I get satisfied if I know I could call each day a wonderful and meaningful day.

A student trainee learns from his/her own self and not from anyone else. We just get the guidance and info from our training stations. At the end of the day, you still have to focus on what you absorbed from your experiences and the encounters you got from the very first day you met your supervisor and other people. As a student who has got a real work experience before, I make it to a point that I enjoy and I learn. The name of the company is not important, nor the allowance… It’s the training. The process of learning and your ability to blend with people.

a come back

well… 2:04 a.m here. Sunday, yeah… later’s gonna be Pacman and Cotto’s fight. I’m kinda excited about it for the hope that he’s gonna win at an even round. Yeah… I bet. lol.

Anyway, here I go again… can’t sleep in the middle of the night. Errrr…. I dunno, I’ve spent, like, this whole dumb day watchin movies. that was great though but i dunno, hmmm it just came to my mind… yeah about these hesitations. Well if you’re with me you’ve gotta figure out already. If not, then let it be… I guess you should stop reading this selfish post XD

Hmm… first it was because of a guy, then came my AP -attitude problem- LOL. I was not really into guy, but mind you guys… I was about to dig that opportunity huh. Well, maybe my decision is not in favor of whoever son of yerr lord, and it’s really for my own. However, there’s like 3%.. no make that 4, okay 5% regret on my part. o.0 All of a sudden, it’s gone. I should have listened to eminem… “Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment Would you capture it or just let it slip?—-You own it, you better never let it go… You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow… This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo”

what else? hmmm… i dunno, my career? my personal life? or it’s the significant other. It’s difficult, but i think those thoughts from the past are all coming back. Yeah… they all are. and i hate it coz i thought i’ve had them buried 6 feet under (lol crap). Argghhhhh they’re hunting me. I know I have to do this with him, for us. But I don’t know if I could. I wanna keep going by myself. I hate to say this… but I mean it.

Freecyclers! ^^ who wants a sofa?

Hi guys! Sorry medyo di maganda yung shots… kinuha ko lang to from an album sa facebook ko hehe. Naisipan ko lang na ishare kasi itatapon na xa ng ate ko. ^^ kahit sino pwede basta willing to pick it up from antipolo rizal… anytime any day

ok to dun sa mga gustong magrepair nalang instead of buying a new one.

Indie

Hmmm… Wow. Sinisipag ako?lol. Not really, it’s just that wala na namang nakakaintindi sa akin bukod sa sarili ko. Nagiiba na naman ako ng lenggwahe. So intead of talking bunk with other people, I just wanna express *some* my views or what’s in my head.

What is Independence? Being free….

Independence here is all about being free from the things that suppresses a person. Like being free from your parents. Hindi mo na kailangan pang magpaalam kapag may gusto kang puntahan. Hindi mo na kailangan umuwi ng maaga kapag may pinuntahan ka.

That is one big thing guys! Di ba? well, all my life hinigpitan ako ng parents ko about these things… yung time, yung pagbabarkada, basta. Disciplinarian talaga ang tatay ko. But i understand him naman kasi I’m the youngest, im the bunso and i’m a girl. Anyway, ok lang.

So how did I get my freedom? As in total freedom?

Simple lang, I worked. When I turned 18, I started to work. I looked for a job hoping that my parents will allow me with certain things like going home late, pag gala gala, and sleeping over my friends’ house. It worked naman. Kasi they know i am responsible enough, i know i can handle myself, i can do the budgeting, and i pay for everything. I don’t use their money anymore. That’s it lang. But yeah they still worry about me.

I remember before when I slept over my boss’ house because I need to finish a paper, my paps got mad and like he doubted kung san talaga ako nagpupunta. I got mad too! (o db ang taray hoho)… wala lang, kasi I’m working tapos ganun pa iisipin nila saken. I’m working so hard, they can’t give me the things that I want so I wanna get it by myself. I am too ambitious to depend on them. Ayokong maghintay nalang katulad ni Juan Tamad sa ilalin ng puno. Gusto kong pitasin ang bunga kapag hinog na, ayoko ng hintaying malaglag pa yun sa bibig ko. Kung hindi nila kaya, kaya ko! not for myself, but for us…

It’s really hard to be independent. Madaming naiinggit sakin kapag nagkukwento ako about me being indie from my parents. I still live with my parents though, but it feels like I’m not. Parang boarder lang nila ako sa room ko. I pay for my bills, I share with the electric bill (sometimes), I buy my food, I pay for my tuition, I take care of my allowance and other expenses. everything….. ang hirap lalo kapag gumigising ka na walang food na nakahanda. In times like that, I really feel i don’t belong to the family. Ewan ko. Bakit nga naman ako lulutuan ng food eh tanghali na ako gumising tapos hindi pa ako kumikilos sa bahay. Eh…. hindi naman nila ko pinagaaral eh^^ at saka nahihirapan ako sa paghahanap ng pang tustos sa sarili ko. Hmmmm siguro naman may point ako dun noh? agree ka nalang! XD

Nakakaurot! lalo na kapag nagkakasabay sabay yung mga reasons kung bakit ako nasstress. Anu ano ang mga iyon?

*Work- sa field ng trabaho ko (freelance writing)… baliktad ang mundo ko sa mga clients, hindi pa peak season. tang ina. May palang nakatengga na ako! tang ina September na! tang ina. Hindi na ko mabubuhay sa raket kong to next month ^^. chillax lang

*Family- nakakapressure kasi kapag wala kang pera feeling mo wala kang silbi sa bahay, sa lipunan at sa lipunan! (shitttt. money sucks! really)

*School- lalo na kapag may mga kailangang ipasa tapos nagmagaling kang iassist yung project? tapos ang konti ng response rate from your members. Ang feeling mo nun para kang nagtake ng midterm at finals ng sabay. (leche!)

tapos iniisip ko din next month, hmmm may ojt na, and a couple of subjects that i need to complete. crap… super loaded ako. I’m planning to apply for a work pa naman. Kulang ang 24 hours para saken. Pano ko kaya hahatiin ang ojt time, work time, and pasok ko sa school? goodluck to me ^^

*Love life- I love him. Yes. Nananalig akong naiintindihan nya ako. kaya lang minsan gusto ko ng gumive up. Nasasaktan ko sya, nasasaktan nya na din ako. Pero nagmamahalan kami ng buong giliw. Para naman akong pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa kapag wala sya, pero pag nandyan tapos sumabay sa mga stress ko sa buhay… hmmmmm, naaawa lang ako sa sarili ko.

Feeling ko isa ko sa wonder girls. Sorry kung papupurihan ko ang sarili ko ha! Pero sa totoo lang, I’m so great.

Ang buhay Indie….

-malaya
-masaya
-magastos
-masakit sa bulsa
-masaya
-matured
-responsible
-fulfilling

Pero……
-malungkot
-emo
-mag-isa(I have God pala!^^)
-sarili lang nakakaintindi
-nakakapagod
-nakakastress

kaya goodluck nalang sa inyo sana habang maaga pa, matuto na kayong humiwalay sa mga magulang ninyo… nakakahiya kasi. Sobra. ^^ tapos ka na! lalo kapag hindi ka marunong makisabay sa agos ng buhay. matuto ka lang….

*work-matuto kang magsave para bukas. wag kang gimik ng gimik, gastos ng gastos, bili ng bili. gumastos ka lang kapag may kukunin ka na para bukas. gumastos ka lang para sa pagkain, at para sa ikaliligaya ng buong giliw mung puso^^

*Family- sila lang ang kakampi mo kapag iniwanan ka ng lahat. nakakapressure man, mahal ka pa din nila kahit anong gawin mo. kahit you hate them, they love you pa rin :p no choice ka pare!

*School- matuto kang tumawa kasama ng mga kaibigan mung tunay at tanggapin ang katotohanang kasama mo pa rin sila sa hirap at ginhawa para lang makalabas sa isang gubat. walang survivor… lahat kayo survivor.

*Love life-matuto kang magparaya. wag kang selfish. hindi ka na single, double ka na XD. take it easy… magtulungan kayo, mangarap kayo ng sabay. gawin nyo para sa isa’t isa, at para sa ikasisiya ng mga tao sa paligid nyo. Open the lines of communication, always. If you love, do not expect him/her to do the same. Mahal mo sya, kailangan pa bang mahal ka nya para lang ipagsigawan mo sa mundong mahal mo sya? magpakatotoo ka.

kung wala ka pang jowa, wag ka na munang magjowa kapag hindi ka pa ready!

P.S. Act like your age and be responsible… Make your parents proud, make yourself proud too. hohoho. xiao carabao!

click the ads here please^^

I can’t sleep

I can’t sleep na naman… holy crap!

I was so down last two days because of the fuckin feasib. and…. life? Sorry. I don’t mean anything except stress, and the things that stress me out.  Well, I remember my blog lang, kawawa naman… nakakainis lang kasi wordpress is kinda complicated, i can’t link my adsense. Hayst…

Di talaga maitatago sakin na stressed ako. Hmmm, I’ve got pimples na naman. tapos hindi maganda ung skin ko. (artiiii!?) tapos i can’t think straight (wtf) tapos wala maxadong ideas na lumalabas sakin… para kong walang gana. Ewan ko haha. Ayokong magEMO kokokok.

I woke up late kanina, or should I say kahapon. ay maaga pala akong gumising, mga 7 ata, kasi nasa house pa si jepjep, di pa xa pumapasok sa school eh. Pero di ako bumangon, natulog ako ulit. Wala lang…. sleepyhead. wtf.

Diko alam kung pano ko to gagawan ng conclusion so ganito nalang bigla nalang mawawala. nyahahahaha (parokya!?)

school papers

i hate it!!! kasi i can’t set up my adsense stuff with wordpress.
nakakainis kasi di ako kumikita sa blog site na ito… but yeah thank God coz i’ve found another site hohoho….

should you have any queries about your school papers, just visit docstoc.com… actually you can, may download papers with various topics from that site. so helpful guys and it’s free.. you just have to sign up. hmmm… i’ve uploaded our feasibility study on my account, and i will be uploading some of my finished papers soon!

just visit my page, check on my papers and click on the google ads for further references. it’s legal, walang virus unlike porn sites hohohoho…. at saka you can trust me!
my docstoc page
my docstoc page
my docstoc page
if you need help on your papers, feel free to approach me po…
i am more than willing to help you
basta click on google ads hehehe para you help me too.

yey nakaroam na yung globe sim ;)

yey nakaroam na yung globe sim

hi guys, i’m posting this for the benefit of those who are interested… hohoho.

actually, i was not sure about this stuff before. sabi lang talaga sakin ni oyen, buy yeah it works. kahit pala nasa ibang country na ung sim eh pede pa rin syang mairoam ng globe. just tell them na you want the sim to be roamed. i did not visit their wireless center though, i just emailed them. and i’m so glad kasi they really respond to my queries. although it is much quicker if you’ll walk in to their centers, kaya lang nakakatamad

anyway, for those na may queries about them just visit their site
globe site
or email them at
customer feedback

Globe Roaming

Hmmm…. hindi na naman ako nakapagupdate ng blog ko hoho busy sa kakafarmtown at kakabili ng mga friends sa friends for sale. nyahaha….

Nasira tuloy ang countdown ko! Well anyway, this post is all about the roaming service of Globe. Sorry for smart subscribers dyan hehe. Solid Globe kasi ako although may smart sim rin ako sa isang phone ko kaya lang di ko naman ginagamit. Active lang sya. Nyak!

Nung umalis ang buong giliw kong habibi, nakakapuot kasi nakalimutan namin mag-activate ng roaming sim the day before, or 24 hours before his flight. But we tried activating it like 3 hours before kaya lang hindi na sya maprocess. Sayang kasi we changed our numbers pa naman, we bought new sims na magkasunod ang number para madaling tandaan for us and syempre para sweet (yikeeeee). Well… so yun, 1 month na gumagastos si bhie sa pagtawag and text nya. Imagine, ang call is 5AED per minute… So 1 AED (dirham) is equal to 13 php. So kapag nakaka 5 minutes kaming usapan, mga 300+ un? tama ba? just do the math guys hoho. katamad. ang mahal, and syempre ang texts ko sakanya 15php. I can’t call pa. I don’t know why. Nyahahaha Goodluck saken.

Anyway, so naghanap ako ng mga ways para lang maparoam ko yung sim nya. Luckily, sabi ni Oyen (friend ko) pwede daw iparoam ang sim kahit na nasa Dubai ka na. yeah it’s kinda impossible kasi wala ng signal yung sim niya sa Dubai. So what I did is, I emailed Globe and ask them personally. I Clarified everything kasi naguguluhan ako.

So nagtanong ako… sinagot nila ako ng ganito

A- Globe user in the Philippines

B- Globe Roamer in Dubai

A-     will be charged as usual while here in the Philiipines

B-     Roaming Rates shall apply accordingly, as you have discussed below

Zone : 3

Outgoing Voice Rate (PHP/min) : N/A

Incoming Voice Rate (PHP/min) : 100

Outgoing SMS Rate : 25

Destination :

United Arab Emirates (UAE)	Belarus	Bermuda	Botswana	Canada
Dominican Rep	Faroe Islands	Georgia	Jersey	Kazakhstan
Kenya	Liechtenstein	Macedonia	Moldova	Seychelles
Uzbekistan	Zimbabwe

Also guys, to clarify,  According to Cherry Panganiban (Globe service fulfillment) ….if you do not have an active network signal and somebody calls you from  the Philippines , the call shall be automatically diverted to the number you have nominated.  However, in the absence of a signal, you will not be able to register to Globe’s Roaming service and therefore, no notification shall be received as well. If you want to subscribe to Globe’s Roaming service, you may email Globe anytime so as they may activate it.  Please ensure that you have at least PHP 100 in your prepaid number.

With regard Globe promotions, please note that all your callers from the Philippines shall be charged in accordance to their local postpaid plan and prepaid rates and therefore, they may register to all available unlitxt and unlicalls promos.  Only, roaming rates shall apply to B accordingly.

Yun lang, just to share.

jenny don’t be hasty

i really love this song… me love it

jenny don’t be hasty by paolo nutini

^^

july 28

what the fuckin shit! hehe.

yeah so i went out today…alone. it’s been a week after he left. good thing i’m not broken anymore . i went to school coz i thought there’s still a class on my feasibility study subject. i hate it coz i was stuck on the heavy flow of traffic around GMA EDSA!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrr…. me hate it so much. my class starts at 6 in the evening and ends at 7:30. wow guess what!? i arrived like 7ish! yeah holy crap hahahaha coz actually there’s no more classes with that subject, we just have to complete our paper and pass it to our prof before the semester ends and be ready for the defense. crap… and my friends were about to go home already lol. good thing is that they waited for me. and seeing them is the best part

i really miss my friends, the whole bonding and all that stuff. idk. we used to be 3 but now i’ve got 7 other colleagues… 7 partners in crime hihi.

anyway… i was surprised this morning that i have received a text from my bebe. well.. i did not expect it but yeah i’m happy. oh well he just informed me that he’s gonna be out the whole day. i was not able to reply though coz i have no load and …. i just don’t feel like. idk, i;m just gonna miss him so that;s better, it’s enough that i know what he’s doing and what makes or made his day…. time to hit the sheets now. got an early meeting (like 1 in the afternoon hahahahah too early for me ha!) with my feasib group mates. well.. i’m just gonna give them instructions and probably hang out with them coz there’s no classes for this week. oh, i forgot… it’s marketing week. hahahaha that’s why. echos! i thought everybody’s on a vacation just like what i, oyen and ace did last week. cheers

july 27-SONA

kanina ung last SONA daw ni madam president.

actually di ako natulog, or i mean di ako nakatulog so i’m kinda groggy right now. wtf. nagpunta kame ni kuya sa Antipolo. hahaha aylavet kasi naeenjoy ko talaga ang magmotor nang napakalakas ng ulan. idk. ang saya. i love rain. although yung last kong pagligo sa ulan is kinda traumatic kasi i really lost my voice and i got terribly sick. well. ok lang at least i enjoyed hohoho.

pauwi na kami and we took marikina route. wow. nakasabay pa namin ung convoy ni madam president. i love the plat number 1. ayeah. kung magkakaron ako ng car gusto ko nakalagay sa plate number is BIBA. hohohoho. wala lang para cute. anyway… pahabol lang to bago ako matulog. i just finished watching the grandma’s boy, it’s fun. hehe mga adik. i wanna sleep now kaya lang ung nagpahintay eh hindi pa dumadating nakakainis.

anyway….. kahit ayaw ng mga tao si madam president, ewan ko i like her. hehe. lagi nalang aksing flaws ang tinitignan, why not appreciate all the good things that she does. she still got one year to lead this country, and i think the past years have been great although crisis and other problems arise. many people protests but, who the hell do they think deserves the position? wala naman. magluluklok sila ng leasder but eventually pag may mali silang hindi nagustuhan patatalsikin at patatalsikin lang nila. listening to the president’s SONA is awesome. i’m not a fan though but i’m not anti her leadership. i’m just one of the FIlipino’s who knows how to appreciate what she has done with her best efforts coz nobody is perfect.

july 26-do boys fall in love?

time check… 5:08 ng hapon.

ang ingay sa kapitbahay, birthday ni shanon (heypi birthday!!!!), ung inaanak ni kuya. wala lang. natuwa ako sa note ni melvin/vhynnz. kapag ang lalake daw ay umibig. well… it’s all about the guys who change after silang sagutin ng girls na nililigawan nila. ewan ko but yeah i agree with what he wrote (aylavet!)

ang guys kasi kapag nanliligaw: they do everything just to please the girl,to win the girl’s heart. gagawin ang lahat ng bagay na hindi naman kaya para sa girl (parang nagpapasikat), they show the girl na they are into her talaga. everyday tawag, text, etc. tama si vhynnz (apir), gagastos at todo effort talaga. i admit kaya ako nahirapan magkaboyfriend dahil masyado akong perfectionist (di na ngayon) and madali akong madisappoint(ganyan pa din ako ngaun) sa guy. un… however, kapag napasagot na ng guys ang mga girls minsan nababawasan na ung effort, nagiging less na ung attention na binibigay nila sa girls at mas nagiging demanding na sila. at masakit man sabihin…. minsan nababawasan and the worst, nawawala na yung respeto nila sa girls. kaya maraming naghihiwalay (aha!), dahil nawawala na ung dating turingan. kung sa una nagmamahalan pa ng bonggang bongga… parang bigla nalang nagfefade. ang saklap lang isipin.

as a girl di ko naman gustong kampihan ang mga babae pero parang ganun na nga! echosss…. well, sana lang isipin ng mga guys na sila ang maswerte kapag naging girlfriend na nila ung girl. di dapat magbago kung ano man ung pinakita nila nung una, parang naririnig ko sa ibang guys before “love me now and i’ll court you forever”. ang sweet noh? pero love nga ba talaga ung feeling na un? naiinlove ba talaga ang mga boys? parang hindi naman. wala ako sa posisyon para ijudge kung anong nafifeel ng boys pero pra sa mga girls, every detail counts.

marami sa mga couples ang nauuwi sa break ups dahil sa pagbabago ng partner, sino nga ba? ang girls o ang boys?  nagiging nagger ang girls dahil sa mga boys, ang dating tahimik and walang kibo nagiging nagger. nagloloko naman ang boys dahil sa pagkukulang ng girls.  isa lang yan sa mga napapansin kong sangkatutak na flaws. but at the end of the day ang laging tanong ay, so who’s to blame?… anyway, sana lang di ako matulad sa mga pinagsasabi ko.  hohoho. bago lang ang relationship ko so tignan naten kung magbabago ba ang bebe ko :p well.. i hope na hindi, pero kung magbago man sya, i promise na i won’t change. bahala na sya, kung iwan man nya ko, ang malas nya! kokokok… xiao <3

july 25

i forgot to post the songs* or video or whatever u wanna call it. chosss

i’m feeling mataray today haha la lang, care mo ba?ang sarap ng halohalo bili ni mama sa baba. me love et! ayeah. ito nalang post ko si paolo nutini, mapogi hohohoho. Last request, i’ve learned this song na sa guitar. gusto ko din maglagay ng mga vids ko kaya lang i’m shy hahaha plus mapangit ung mic ko.

well. ano nga ba?i’m happy naman, although i was kinda disappointed last night. basta. secret kung baket hahahaha i just don’t wanna hurt that person’s feelings. pero natulog akong happy kagabi kahit sandali ko lang nakausap ang bebe ko. he’s kinda busy kasi madaming tao sa bahay nila and that lame connection really ruins our moment lang pag naguusap kame. ok lang. sanay na ko.

nakausap ko ang isang girl sa facebook kagabi, si jev. sorry to mention your name dear. hehe. actuallypinagseselosan nya daw ako dati, idk why but wala naman akong ginagawang masama and i’m not flirting with his guy. well anyway…un, isa na namang love problem case. feeling ko talaga pinanganak ako para makinig at magpayo sa mga love problems, pano naman ako? bakit ako di ko mapayuhan ang sarili ko? pero infairness ah, kahit may sarili akong problems, nakakagaan ng loob pag nakakatulong ka sa iba. me love et.

pasahan na daw ng feasib sa tuesday, ayun. tapos sept16 na ang defense. ok lang. kaya yan

p.s. kapag gumawa ka ng promise make sure na tutuparin mo.

july 24

late na ko natulog, mga past 3 na ata. wow. kausap ko lang ang bebe ko and busy sa pagrerenovate ng farm town. i’ll post a pic when i’m done. *wink

yea i feel better na talaga. unlike nung first days. pag gising ko palang eh my heart is crushed na pag walang text or call from him. narealize ko lang kailangan kong masanay. this is just the 4th day… madami pang susunod. i really love myself. i’m thankful that God created me this way, i’ve got a strong personality.  i easily forget…oh not forget, accept.

i’m just so happy that i was able to talk with my bhie when i opened my pc. he just woke up i guess at that time, 9ish on his time and 1ish on mine. i haven’t eaten breakfast nor lunch so i was kinda starving when we talked but it’s okay. he just told me that they’re going out and this and that.

di ako pumasok. wala lang, bakasyon nga namen nila oyen and ace hehehe. ijust don’t feel like going out. but i guess tomorrow or next week ready na ko ulit umalis magisa. i opened my pc like 5ish. ngayon. play guitar, learn from youtube, etc. hinanap ko kung pano tugtugin ung last request ni paolo nutini and i already miss you ng the kooks. (im gonna post the videos later) i really love the songs.then after kinamusta ko naman yung feasibility study namen. madami pala. i’ve just finished the first chapter and there’s like 7 or 8 chapters. well, it’s a group work so i don’t have to finish it all. wewe.

i’m wondrin kung anong nangyari sa school, i miss my classmates, jamie,jp, dao, kim. etc…. lahat ng kabiruan ko. sabi SONA daw sa monday and may pasok daw. i’m so malas coz i live near the place where it is held so probably it’s a long walk. vehicles will not be allowed to enter the area though. urghhh.. i just wish that my brother is here para maihatid nya ko.

anyway, wala ko masyado magawa today (lagi naman). i feel bored! sa wakas nafeel ko ang boredom hindi ang sadness ayeah me love it! so balak kong gawin ang feasibility study project namen sa abot ng aking makakaya. wait for my crops in farmtown to be ready, take dinner, fix my room, and i guess wait for my bebe to go online. he told me naman na uuwi sya ng maaga. but if not okay lang, he’s old enough malaki na sya kaya nya ang sarili nya hohoho. mwakiss

july 23

i don’t wanna live in denial.

3rd ng LDR (long distance relationship) ko with my bebe. i’m better yeah pero ayokong ideny na i’m still hurt. ewan ko. i’m still sad. sad is the right term… hurt? ala naman syang kasalanan or what not. i really miss him. it’s so hard coz we don’t talk regularly like we haven’t set a specific time on when to chat, text or call  plus he can’t use his roaming sim

anyway, the presence of my family eases the pain. echos. i’m so emo na hohoho. pero di nga, buti nalang kahit makulit si jepjep eh nakakatuwa naman sya. wala ko masyadong ginawa today, di ako pumasok sa school. yung isa kong prof is absent ung isa naman eh nagpaalam lang DAW kasi magbabakasyon sa NY, bongga so iba na ang prof namen. ingat sya.

well… nakakalungkot lang talaga pag di ko nakakausap ang bebe ko. ahahay… gusto ko pag gising ko may nababasa akong text saknya or may missed call, kaya lang wala. saklap. minsan iniisip ko din na nakadungaw na sya sa pinto katulad ng ginagawa nya pag nagpupunta dito. sobrang namimiss ko na talaga. wag ko daw masyadong isipin pero ganun talaga eh. kailangan kong namnamin every detail ng sadness ko para pagsawaan ko kahit na it really hurts. kailangan ko kayanin… ayokong bumitaw kasi love ko siya.

anyway, i guess ok na to. may 4th day pa and so on. xiao.

july 22- better

I woke up late, parang ayoko ngang bumangon eh. I checked my phone, still no text or call from bhie. Nakakalungkot lang kasi dati nasanay akong sya ang una kong nakakausap pag gising ko. wala kong gana kumain. nagcomputer nalang ako checked my mails and facebook. farm town xempre. dang… i’ve got an email from my bhie. aylavet. im so happy na meron, and i hate it coz i cried while reading the letter. na naman….

ewan ko. parang masyado na kong nasasaktan and parang dahil dun nagsisimula na kong maging manhid ulit. parang di ko na masyado masense kung anong ngyayari. hindi naman ako namatayan but it seems like my heart is crushed. i hate it.

it’s so hot. pero i cleaned my room pa rin. tinanggal ko lahat ng curtains and tinapon lahat ng kalat. di ako nagpalit ng bedsheet kakapalit ko palang kasi nun. i saw my bhie’s perfume on the corner, i sprayed it on my pillow, blanket and graziella. i wanna smell him lang. lage. my brother saw the bench cap that my bhie gave me before he left. my bro asked me if he can borrow… i don’t want to pero pumayag na rin ako. di ko naman kasi masusuot kinda big for me. tinatamad na naman ako pumasok bukas. wala naman daw kasi ung prof kong magrereport ako. so parang ayoko nalang pumasok sayang ang pagod. gagawin ko nalang ang feasib namen.

i think nafifeel din ni mama ang absence ng bebe ko para saken. she knows na hindi ako kumaen so binili nya ko ng food. i love her so much although minsan i hate her. hindi pumasok si papa and kuya sa work i don’t know kung anong meron, maghapon na silang nanonood ng movies. dvd marathon. im happy for my bro seeing him smiling and laughing. family bonding, i really love my family. kasi everytime na may mga downfall, anjan sila for me, for us. kahit hindi pagusapan, nadadaanan naman sa tawanan at pangaasar kay jepjep. masaya naman, pero sad pa rin talaga ako. konting reminisce lang eh tumutulo na ang tears ko.

gusto ko muna sanang wag magparamdam sa bhie ko, just to move on but i’m afraid to move on completely, and i’m afraid na magmove on din sya. but yeah, as i was talking to malou last night, ayoko namang magmukmok sa isang sulok kakaisip sa bhie ko. malulusaw ang beauty ko. pero it’s ok, bhie is everything. i’ve found the missing part of me but he’s gone. unfortunately. i can’t wait to talk to him na. hearing his voice completes my day. seeing his messages completes me. and hearing him say he loves me brings back the joy in my life.

i really miss him. this is just the 2nd day…. i still have to wait for like 300+ days. matagal… but i won’t regret waiting him for that long, he’s worth it.

july 21-ang sakit sa ulo

kakarating ko lang from the market, sumama ako kay mama and inayos ko na din ang about sa cebuana. I woke up like 11 in the morning, no text, no call from my bebe. sad…………. super sad. i just wanna cry but hearing the voice of my brother and my mom reminds me of how lucky i am to have them in spite of my bebe’s absence.

i got a text message from my sister reminding me of sending her the money so i did. we went out, i send the money and went to the cellphone repair shop to have my other phone fixed. ayokong pumasok today, i just don’t feel like doing it. ang sakit ng ulo ko eh, and napagusapan na din namin ni oyen na hindi kami papasok. nice. i bought a new nail polish, color red. idk. gusto ko lang ng red although loveless parang blood nalang. i’m bleeding. lol.

idk kung hanggang kelan ko to gagawin, nagsusulat nalang ako para makarelieve ng kung anong nararamdaman. i texted kat and asked her to go out. but she’s kinda busy with the review. disappointing… i wanna go out and have some fun para naman makalimutan ko what i feel. me so sad.

i opened my pc like mga hapon na. i checked my yahoo messenger, no offline messages from bebe, i checked my mail and no email from him…. i checked my facebook and there you go, i got a wall post from him. saying that he arrived like 9ish. i got disappointed. he did not call me. i told him to call me right away he landed on his destination. i’m so sad. i was waiting for a text or a call from him kagabi pa. it’s like, i don’t wanna sleep para pag tumawag sya di ko talaga mamimiss.

i think this is the beginning… unti unti ko ng nararamdaman ang distance. i really wanna cry so hard. but i can’t, ayokong ipakita sa sarili ko na im so weak. im afraid to be numb. nakakatampo. ngayon mas nakakarelate na ako sa kuya ko. when ate maricel arrived in australia, she did not call or text. and naramdaman ko talaga kung panong sadness ang nagappear sa face ni kuya. ngayon, i feel what he exactly felt. ewan ko…. ayokong magalit saknya coz im afraid na sabayan nya ko. and hirap kasi napakalayo nya. ewan ko. ewan ko…. di ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko pag tumawag sya, di ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako dahil he called me nga, and hearing is voice makes me complete na rin kahit wala sya. pero nagtatampo talaga ko kase di sya tumupad sa usapan namen. i told him to call me right away anytime.

ewan ko. but i still love him. mahal na mahal.

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finally i got a call from him, wala daw load ang mom nya nun so he was not able to call me. he used his dad’s phone lang kanina. ung saknya kasi is nakalimutan namen iroaming. haaaaayyyyy. still, sakit ng ulo ko. i think i need a short nap. nytie.